THE LOOK BACK

Sometimes we look back on our lives and the memories are uplifting and very special. Then there are the times we should not look back into the darkness of our past. All the good, bad, evil or sad that we have done in our past that we can never change, but our future we can change for the best if we choose to. My look back sent me to a place I had never been to before. Our names are Mike and Nancy McNeal from Sycamore Illinois. The same old story, our kids are all grown up now and on their own. The wife and I hang out a lot more now than we ever have. We like to go to our old High School and walk and run the track, more walking than running for us. The High School built a new auxiliary gym and it is right by the track. One day while we were walking the track I saw that one of the doors to the new gym was open.
I told Nancy I would be right back, I wanted to go inside the new gym and check it out. When you first walk in there’s these large High School sports posters on the walls from the past. I stopped and it was like time stopped with me as I looked up at the 1979 Varsity football team poster. I knew everyone on the team and they knew of me. They knew the kind of person I was in school. My mind left 2011 and went back to 1979. I remembered Joey always asking me to get on the football team with him. I remember saying “no thanks”. You see I was too busy living the good life on all the drugs, drinking and snorting that I could get. I fell deeper into the darkness of my school past and all the bad I did to myself and others. My past demons hit me from all directions as I stood looking at the poster. The wave of shame crashed down on me. I could hear the demons laughing at the person I used to be. Then I started hating myself for doing the drugs and the drinking of my past. I started hating myself for not going to college. I started hating myself for all pain and sorrow I inflicted on family and people of my past. The demons laughs got louder and louder as I stood there in the shame of my past.
Then I heard the voice in my heart say “you have me now.” The demons laughter in my mind went silent as they fled. The voice in my heart and spirit is my savior Jesus. He lifted me out of the shame I was sinking in. He spoke to me again “remember when you found me”. I remembered walking through the darkness trying to find the truth for my life. One day the path of life I was on came to a dead end. I turned around and found another path that lead to the foot of a cross. I fell to my knees and looked up at Jesus on the cross. My salvation and my sins are here at the cross with Jesus. This path has no dead ends just everlasting life. I looked at the poster one more time and realized life is about the present. I left the gym and caught up with Nancy on the track. She looked at me “Is everything ok?” I looked at her and the world around me, “Never been better!”

Wayne Roe

9/1/2014

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